Monday, February 18, 2013

Sports – Sports- and um, Yep - - - I Suck At Sports

Let me just state that: I’m not fishing for compliments- I never do, I say that because what I have to write about will make it seem as if I am looking for reassurance. Reassurance that I don’t suck. I suck- I suck - I suck.  I know I suck - and what  I am writing about is the absolute truth. Yep, skating, skipping, running(ouch!), any field sports-swimming.... fuggetaboutit! 

Seriously.  Lemme tell ya a few stories about my life as a jock…. Wait - -


I couldn't contain myself - -using MY LIFE in the same sentence with AS A JOCK--


Okay THAT is temporarily out of my system.

wait.. bahahahaha... NOW it's out of my system.

Okay…it started in grade school. Ya know when you’re standing with all your friends and every single one of your friends is picked for ANY sport before you??  Oh, they’d fight over me---but it was usually- “you take her- no- you take her- NO! YOU(!)  TAKE(!) her(!)”….Yep- even for a game of RED ROVER, Red Rover, send ANYONE but Lisa right over….sadly, I was always the last picked.

My youth was pretty darn fantastic, in spite of my lack of athletic ability. 

In spite of my inability to play ANY type of sport well, we still managed to have a softball team. Back then, it wasn't an official school district approved thing to have girls play sports ( it was only a few years prior to that  the school FINALLY allowed girls where pants to school- but that’s another story), anyhoo- I believe this was at a time when my daddy wanted to be more involved in the life of his only daughter, he agreed to be the coach of the girls softball team….it was THE ONLY WAY I would ever get a chance to play.  We had to make our own uniforms…denim cutoffs and white t-shirts we SPRAY PAINTED our names on the back of each shirt…pretty high tech stuff for back then. **GRIN** I remember having the shirts flat on the cement in our back yard using stencils and spray paint **

We practiced in the evenings and got a list of other teams (to play) from other schools in the district. My dad would drive us all IN THE BACK OF HIS TRUCK and we’d play- poorly. Never won except for one time when my Aunt Carrie (my dad’s sister) promised everyone  ice cream sundaes if we won. We did win,  and my aunt was nowhere to be found. My parents - and I think with the  help of some other parents - were able to allow us to enjoy sundaes.
Any way, my dad, always one to be fair, put me in right field. THE BALL NEVER GOES OUT TO RIGHT FIELD…except for when Lisa is out there. The ball comes towards me and I put my hand in front of my face so I wouldn’t get hit and it lands IN MY GLOVE. Scared the hell out of me! I was so incredibly shocked that I had no idea what to do with the ball. I don’t remember anything else. That was the end of my softball career.

SWIMMING- HA! I thought I found something I could excel at. Winning ribbon - after ribbon- after ribbon. Yep, I was part of the elite, yes(!) a full fledged member of the TERRACE CLUB swimming team. I LOVED the Terrace Club. (Had so much fun and a budding relationship with Jerry Bowlin- whatever happened to him-) I digress. Where was I?? Oh yeah - SWIMMING. I had a huge head- I was, after all a really great swimmer. It wasn’t until, really - - not too long ago when my mother gave me all the ribbons she had been saving for me  for when I was old enough to appreciate all the awards I won as a child. BOY did I have a rude awakening. ALL THESE years I thought I was a hot SH!T swimmer. After all, I swam at the Terrace Club. So sad…  I open up the  box my mom had saved all these years…you know, Blue for first place, red for second…etc… somewhere along the way, I was grossly misinformed. They were all- ALL  “PARTICIPANT” ribbons. OH- how very sad.  You know the ribbons they give you so you don’t feel badly about not placing…..oh!

Skateboarding? Oh you know….very first time on a skateboard and I dislocate my shoulder. That would be the first of 15 shoulder dislocations.

Roller skating? OH- why bother going into detail… lol

Yes, indeed- I suck at all sports…

So, please share with me…At what do you excel? Do you have stories of your youth? Doesn't have to be sports....after all we all exceed at SOMETHING - - right???
I hope so...soon I will find my talent - - I am sure of it!!!

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